Good Grief...

There are plenty of things that parents expect to happen during the three years of middle school.  Puberty, parties, and painful trips to the mall to name a few!  While middle school has become a rite of passage for the generation that we are serving now, there are some experiences that we would prefer they did without.  And Grief would be at the top of that list.  Losing parents, classmates or even teachers just isn't what comes to mind when you think of sending your student off to school each day. Unfortunately, there are way too many students having to experience these intense emotions during one of the most difficult physical transitions of their lives.  While the body is already sending them on an emotional and hormonal roller coaster, a significant loss serves to complicate the process even more.
Grief is a natural process that everyone goes through, but, as with many other emotions, adults complicate the process with other emotions like pride, anger and ego.  Helping a child to process their grief while the adult is also grieving can be a difficult as well.
While most of the blogs that I have been focusing on have been discussing the trials and tribulations of the interactions of middle school students, the number of middle school students grieving the loss of a loved one has crept up and become a prominent part of my weekly schedule.
Many of these students are trying to make sense of their new life and sudden loss all while trying to understand this new body they are living in and find out who they really are.
Luckily for these parents and families, there are some great resources out there.  My go to book for grieving children is "When Children Grieve" by John W. James and Russell Friedman.  I came upon this book at the recommendation of my favorite pastor.  She recommended that I read it to process some of my own unresolved grief issues.  After I finished reading the copy that she loaned me, I knew I would have to have my own copy for future reference.  And refer to it I have, on a very regular basis I will add.

One of the best pieces of advise this book offers is to let the child grieve in their own way.  While adults can model appropriate ways to grieve, allow each child to grieve in the way they see fit.  Younger students will grieve in a simple and uncomplicated manor.  Adults let emotions, guilt, anger and pride get in the way of processing the true emotions of our grief.  An important thing to keep in mind for your child is to model the grieving process and not hide it from them. Grief is a natural part of our human existence.  Acknowledging that you are struggling and sad gives your child permission to acknowledge their own feelings.  There are many ways for adolescents to process through their feelings of grief and loss, and they don't have to look like a group counseling session in your living room.  Sometimes it means looking through old pictures, remembering old times, or reminiscing about your favorite memory of the person who is now gone.  All these activities help the healing process and validate the students feeling of loss.  While the adolescents are looking to discover who they are about to become, working through their grief and loss can help them to remember who they were!