Lean on Me....

Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain, we all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on

These are lyrics from one of my favorite songs--"Lean on Me".  And they are perfect for the topic that has been on my mind most of this week.  

It has become blatantly obvious how easy it is for me to take for granted the simple things that I have at my disposal everyday.  Access to healthcare, medication, healthy children, and family support seemed to at the top of the list throughout the week.  

I hadn't really taken into consideration how fortunate it was for me to be able to understand each person that I encounter every day.  When I walk into a hospital seeking medical attention for my children, I have no problem communicating my needs or problems to the nurses and doctors.  In an eye opening experience this week, I realized it is a luxury that I take for granted.  Not being able to tell someone how my child is hurting or not understanding what a doctor is telling me would be so frustrating when my child needs help.  As parents we just want the best for our children, and when our children are in crisis, anything that prevents us from getting help for our children just escalates the crisis even more.  

To complicate the matters, how do you know where to schedule your medical appointments.  Could you go to France and find a dentist?  Could you go to Mexico and find a doctor?  These are all daily tasks  fluent English speaking people just go into naturally in this country because they are just basic daily activities.  

All of this is a long round about way to say that I think we need to help people be more aware of what resources are available in our communities.  United Way has a great way to start.  2-1-1!  If you dial 2-1-1, you will be connected to an agent to help get you connected to services in your community.  These services range from Basic Human Needs, Physical and Mental Health Resources, Work Initiatives, Support for Seniors, Children, Youth, Families, and People with Disabilities, and  Volunteering opportunities!  This would have been a great resource for the family in need of translation services.  Helping that family getting hooked into their community and finding local resources for medical care for their children will increase school attendance, improve the students self esteem, and increase grade performance.  

We all need someone to lean on in a time of crisis, new communities, and unfamiliar territories.  Who can you lean on to help you through those rough times?  But, more importantly, who can lean on you???

Good Grief...

There are plenty of things that parents expect to happen during the three years of middle school.  Puberty, parties, and painful trips to the mall to name a few!  While middle school has become a rite of passage for the generation that we are serving now, there are some experiences that we would prefer they did without.  And Grief would be at the top of that list.  Losing parents, classmates or even teachers just isn't what comes to mind when you think of sending your student off to school each day. Unfortunately, there are way too many students having to experience these intense emotions during one of the most difficult physical transitions of their lives.  While the body is already sending them on an emotional and hormonal roller coaster, a significant loss serves to complicate the process even more.
Grief is a natural process that everyone goes through, but, as with many other emotions, adults complicate the process with other emotions like pride, anger and ego.  Helping a child to process their grief while the adult is also grieving can be a difficult as well.
While most of the blogs that I have been focusing on have been discussing the trials and tribulations of the interactions of middle school students, the number of middle school students grieving the loss of a loved one has crept up and become a prominent part of my weekly schedule.
Many of these students are trying to make sense of their new life and sudden loss all while trying to understand this new body they are living in and find out who they really are.
Luckily for these parents and families, there are some great resources out there.  My go to book for grieving children is "When Children Grieve" by John W. James and Russell Friedman.  I came upon this book at the recommendation of my favorite pastor.  She recommended that I read it to process some of my own unresolved grief issues.  After I finished reading the copy that she loaned me, I knew I would have to have my own copy for future reference.  And refer to it I have, on a very regular basis I will add.

One of the best pieces of advise this book offers is to let the child grieve in their own way.  While adults can model appropriate ways to grieve, allow each child to grieve in the way they see fit.  Younger students will grieve in a simple and uncomplicated manor.  Adults let emotions, guilt, anger and pride get in the way of processing the true emotions of our grief.  An important thing to keep in mind for your child is to model the grieving process and not hide it from them. Grief is a natural part of our human existence.  Acknowledging that you are struggling and sad gives your child permission to acknowledge their own feelings.  There are many ways for adolescents to process through their feelings of grief and loss, and they don't have to look like a group counseling session in your living room.  Sometimes it means looking through old pictures, remembering old times, or reminiscing about your favorite memory of the person who is now gone.  All these activities help the healing process and validate the students feeling of loss.  While the adolescents are looking to discover who they are about to become, working through their grief and loss can help them to remember who they were!

8 things all girls should have...

This entire blog post is about a fantastic list that I found on my Twitter account.  http://funnzoo.com/site/post/502

The thing I like most about this list is that it is not a list of materialist things that you purchase at high end salons or fashion boutiques.  These items are begotten, they are earned , they are achieved.  Young women (and men for that matter) are looking for affiliation and inclusion in their social groups through their sense of style and personality.  What this list expresses to young adults is the most important thing that you can put on everyday is what ever makes you feel your best.  

Take the example of the perfume.  When I was in high school, I always wore Liz Claibourne perfume that came in a yellow triangle bottle.  ( I understand that you young peeps have no idea about this product, but it was the rage, I promise).  Anyway, if there was another girl who wore that specific fragrance, she may encounter a comment such as "Oh, that is Sara's favorite".  Which rarely was taken very kindly by the person on the receiving end.  But, that fragrance was as known to me as my red hair--inseparable.  And , I never left home without it.  More importantly than the actual fragrance or the type of bottle it came in, was how that made me feel.  I loved the compliments that I received when I wore that fragrance, and I loved how I felt when I wore it.  I felt beautiful.  Now, at the beginning of the post, I said you couldn't purchase the items on this list, they had to been earned.  You technically can purchase perfume, bracelets, and sunglasses to give you that look or scent that makes you, you.  But the real point here is about becoming the person that you want to be.  With the attributes on this list, making friends and the social awkwardness of middle school mayhem will fall away.  

That is what this list is trying to do for young people.  Help them find the things to make them feel beautiful, make them feel strong, make them feel empowered, and make them feel powerful.