The Bullying begins...

The school year is underway. Students are starting to settle into their routine, and parents are relieved to have their days filled and nights with homework again. But along with the school hours come the angst of middle school. Our school was not even through the first week before the bullying, backstabbing, and bickering began. As parents it can be very difficult to watch your child go to school every day knowing they are facing a bully at school. So, it is time to define bullying behavior and how parents can help at home.

The Bullying word is the new hot topic. Anytime a student uses the Bullying word, all the teachers make a big fuss. However, most of the behaviors happening in the schools do not meet the criteria for Bullying. Bullying Behavior must meet the following three criteria:

1. Behavior must be intended to cause harm (physical or emotional)

2. Behavior must be repetitive

3. Behavior must create a power position between the two parties, or the behavior gives the bully power over the victim.

If the behavior does not meet all of these criteria, then the behavior does not qualify as bullying. Now hold on, I know that I have a lot of people screaming at their computer screens that I seriously do not know what I am talking about. But, let me finish! The behavior may not be bullying, but that does not make it right. It is still hurtful, disruptive and needs to be addressed with the student. For instance, one of the students who came to me discussed behavior that we clearly not repetitive, but we still addressed the behaviors with that student and warned them about what consequences would happen if the behaviors continued. These behaviors need to be and should be addressed as quickly as possible to prevent those behaviors from becoming bullying behaviors.

Parents, there are a lot of great resources all over the internet to help your student with bullying. Here is an article that is a great place to start.

http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_What_Do_About/

The thing I personally like about this particular article is the discussion about making the school your ally. The reality is that your child is at school eight hours a day. Our teachers spend more waking hours with our students than we do. (Some parents may be thankful for that, others may be crying) So, creating a positive working relationship with your child's school is so imperative to helping your student find success at school. Teach your child how to reach out and ask for help at school and who to reach out to. Getting help before the problem gets too big is better than not getting help and getting lost to a bully.

Equal Opportunity Educator???

In two weeks, an entire high school of students will be receiving brand new mini ipads to use for the school year.  The school has chosen to purchase ipads for the students instead of textbooks.  While I can agree that this is the trend of the future, and education technology supports this endeavor, is this really a great idea?

The community has known about this initiative for some time, and there are people on both sides of the fence.  The obvious first response is what is going to happen when one of the ipads is lost or stolen.  Rest assured, that each ipad is equipped with a tracking device.  So, that issue does seem to have been addressed.  What happens when the ipad is damaged or irreparable?  Some parents are stating they are not going to be responsible for the damages, and others are willing to step up and accept the responsibility to replace the product.  But it is unclear as of yet whose responsibility it is to replace said ipad.  The biggest concern that I have with this process is the message that we are sending about what our society expects for the standard of living.   Wireless internet, or any internet at all for that matter, are not a necessary utility.  When we are discussing what priorities are needed to keep a family together, internet service does not come close to the top of the list.  By making these ipads the only method of student learning in their homes, we are telling families that they must make internet service their priority.  While schools could make copies of text books available for those students without internet service to complete their assignments at home, what student is going to acknowledge that in front of their peer group.  That would be similar to acknowledging that they have to get in line for the soup kitchen as well.  (Social stigma at its worst) We wouldn't do it as adults, why would be expect our kids to do it. 

By now, you are saying to yourself, Sara get over it.  These students can go to a relative’s house to use their internet, they can go to the library, or they can go to McDonald's.  There is free Wi-Fi everywhere now-a-days.  And, my response to you would be, really, and how often do you leave your house to use Wi-Fi when your internet is down.  Or do you scream at the computer and disconnect every wire until it comes back on?  Those internet services do exist, but most families without internet are also without transportation and without family resources.  This is the reality that they are living in.  That is the reality that we need to address when we are discussing passing middle class values on poverty stricken individuals and telling them they have to rise to meet a different level of standards that they can't meet.  A friend gave me a great analogy today.  If I gave every student a box cake mix and told them to go home and make a cake, could everyone do it?  NO!!!  Because not every student has water, eggs and oil at home.  Not every student has a working stove or electricity.  And not every student had the access to internet to give them an equal opportunity to learn.  Do you want your student to be afforded the same opportunity?

The place a bully can't go...

Part of middle school is preparing for all of the changes that happen to the body during the normal process of puberty.  There is absolutely no way for any one person to predict exactly how another person's body is going to respond to the hormonal surge. (If I had that answer, I would be a millionaire, and be typing this blog from some Bahaman Hide-away instead of a hotel waiting for training to start!)  One thing that you can be sure of, is that middle school will bring on the ridicule from your friends and not-so-friendly friends as your body does begin to change.  Acne, sweat, clumsiness, facial hair, and breasts are just a few of the joys that come along with the middle school mayhem.  However, the absences of these things can be just as traumatic as their overwhelming presence.  A boy that is too short or too tall and the girl that is too developed or never develops as all can get just as much heckling as the most acne ridden student in the school.  Unfortunately, these forms of hazing are as old as the times.  Until recently, they were considered a right of passage, or something that everyone had to endure in the maturation process. 

The technology era has taken bullying to a new level.  Now, there is no where to escape from their ridicule.  While bullying used to be just in the school yard, it is now in our homes and on our phones.  Students that experience cyberbullying are surrounded by their bullies everywhere they go.  The message is no longer just heard at school, it is spread like wildfire, virally within minutes.  What used to be able to be contained by classroom walls, is now spinning out of control before anyone knows what is happening.  Students are losing their lives in a desperate measure to outrun the bully.   This is the only place that they can feel safe from the bully....in death.  This is the only place where there will be no more pain, no more rumors, no more laughing, and no more exclusion.  This is the place to be free.  This video is only a few of the students who have chosen this path to escape from their bully...

 

It is time for everyone to stand up against bullying.  It is not a one person job; it is an every person job.  Statistically speaking, someone reading this blog will either have a student or know a teacher who has a student who commits suicide this school year due to bullying of some kind.  Will it be one of your students? It will take all of the faculty, all of the students, and all of the community to admit this problem, and address this problem.  Parents will have to recognize the bullying behavior in their own children and stop it.  Teachers will have to believe in students who report bullying behaviors even when they are small.  Students will have to support victims and rise up against bullies.  Give power to the victim or target.  These small steps will be in the right direction.  This is a problem that needs to be acknowledged; this is a problem that needs to be addressed everyday at every school. 

 

Thank you to Joey Thomas for the video.  The song is Wanda's Song by the Readings.  Video can be found on Youtube.  

School Supplies or Coffins

Students are gearing up for the back to school push.  My kids are already counting the number of days until they return to their normal social calendar that summer called a halt to.  But, due to unnecessary violence in the community, one family is selecting a coffin for their son instead of buying school supplies.  There are not words to express enough sympathy or comfort for the parents and family of this young person.  Grief and Loss will soon need to be part of the curriculum in our schools because so many of our students are struggling through this as they try to navigate the nuances of adolescence (like that isn't complicatd enough).
There are so many people out there looking for the answers to fix the problem, and the unfortunate reality is that there is no immediate answer.  There is no quick fix.  It is not one problem that can be eliminated that will restore our society to the days of old when you could sleep with your doors open and  walk down the street without fear.  The problem is complicated, the solution will need to come from many areas, many people, and many levels.  It is not impossible, but it will be HARD!!!  As these students prepare for school, is school violence on your to do list for the first week of school?

Team work at its finest...

In my previous post, I discussed a situation where one of teacher is making the decision to tell her students about her cancer diagnosis.  This is a personal decision, and as stated in that post, the verdict can go either way.  The part that everyone does seem to agree on is that a team approach is the best method to handling this situation and others similar in nature.  Processing this situation and getting ready to tackle this challenge has me thinking about my tip for teachers, staff and all school personnel.

Working together as a team.

No one teacher or person works in a vacuum in their classroom by themselves.  We all have a team of people that we rely on to help make our jobs easier or a little less painful.  These people include the lunch ladies, the custodians, and the secretaries (let's get real--they have all the real secrets and knowledge of the working of the school).  At the end of the day, we vent or cry or celebrate (truly depending on how successful or awful the days activities were).  Staff need to remember that it is okay to lean on these teammates in our time of crisis and need and when we need that little nudge to make it through a bad day.  The teacher facing a new cancer diagnosis is going to need support through these trying times.  It would be easier in a building where relationships are established and bonds forged, but remember half our staff are new to this building and this teacher is one of those staff.    Those deep rooted relationships are not already in place.  The people in our school buildings become our sounding boards, our counselors, our family, and this will likely be no exception.  This middle school community is going to have to rally around one of our own early and often, and I am sure that we are ready to do so.  That is what makes us exceptional at our job.  It is the amount of dedication that we not only delivery to our students on a daily basis, but to the staff that we spend countless waking hours with as well. Our team, our support, our family!

Telling students about Cancer

Our mayhem took a turn to the serious side when we learned that one of the staff members that will be new to the building this fall has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  The research about telling students about their cancer diagnosis goes both ways.  If you take the time to google the topic, the blogs will give you opinions along the entire spectum.  I found an article that focused more on the topic of appropriate disclosure ( http://works.bepress.com/bobeckhart/1/). 

This teacher was smart to inform our staff early so that we can all work together to develop a plan to help her feel more comfortable as we begin the new school year.  The teacher has a positivie up beat attitude and wants the focus of the school year to be on the students and their great experience with middle school. 

I applaud this teacher.  I am not sure that I could have the resolve that she is demonstrating.  I believe that it speaks volumes about her character and personality. 

If this is the advice that we are offering....

I have been thinking about getting ready for this school year, and I ran across this great piece of advice for these middle school students.

This video shows all the horrors that moving to middle school can bring.  Brotherly bad advice, parents not ready to let students grow up, puberty, relationships and so many other fun things to look forward to.  (Maybe I should have thought about this decision to move a middle school a little longer)  Clearly in the next few weeks, I need to come up with a few survival tips for us first timers to make it through the first week.  Here's to hoping that with some planning and communication, we can avoid some of the scenarios from the video.  However, can anyone tell me if these students bite? :)

Welcome to Middle School

Beginning middle school can be an anxious situation for most students.  But, now I am experiencing those feelings along with all of those students as well.  After 20 years in social work, and 10 years in alternative education, this fall I am making the leap to a regular education setting. A middle school with hormones, girl drama, sports programs, and PTAs.  All new things to me, half the staff, and the majority of the students walking through those doors in Mid-August. 
Our district is completing the final steps of a reorganization and transition process.  This fall we will open 6 middle school and 3 high schools with new staff members, new administrators, and new policies and procedures.  So, it seemed like the perfect time for me to jump into the middle school game. 
This blog is going to be my adventure in babysitting, I mean, middle school antics that come our way.  Join me for the ride that will be known as Braces, Bullies, and BFFs, the mischievious middle school mayheim.